Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
