Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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