I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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