i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
