This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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