How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
