WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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