absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
