Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
