in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
