i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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