I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
