it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
