I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
