I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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