I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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