there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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