I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
