if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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