Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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