Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
