White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
