I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want is dick and wine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
