I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
