Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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