I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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