Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i think i just lost a toe
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
