well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
