I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
