I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
