all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
