how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
