whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
