glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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