I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
