I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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