she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you inspire me to be a worse person
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
