she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
