Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
