The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
