new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
