I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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