thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
