i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
