So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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