I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
