The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
