Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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