we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
