Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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