So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
