i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
