god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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