I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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