I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize