Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Enjoy the penises
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
