Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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