if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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