im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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