I think my vagina is haunted
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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