Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
