I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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