I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't deserve a penis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
